na hello mindenki, aki úgy döntött, hogy meglátogat: most éppen rohanok, hogy a nyári kiruccanásaimhoz szükséges anyagot beszerezzem. Holnaptól megpróbálok többé-kevésbé rendszeresen beszámolni, hogy élek-e még. Ja, a zsuzsmagic@hotmail.com címen lehet többek között elérni.

Hey hey hey, so much time passed since my last note - it was Sunday, right? Every day I thought about writing but then every day something happened and the blog stopped developping :)Now that I have time and a free computer I'll try to resume my week which indeed has been incredible...

My Sunday and Monday were gloomy, I was homesick for Budapest, my friends, etc... Of course it helped me a lot that I went to havean ice-cream with Fruzsi and Orsi on Easter Monday and I also started to read a really good book by Paulo Coelho. Oh yeah, and we did a bit of "disaster tourism" with my brother. The river Tisza is still about to flood this beautiful city of mine. That's really scary actually, the buildings on the riverbank are all flooded and there are DUCKS swimming in the park... I mean what was a park before... I'm so annoyed I can't volunteer to put sandbags because of my illness, I wish I could do something. It's still getting worse, so we'll see how it goes. Luckily enough, we won't be evacuated but some parts of the city are already seriously damaged. I wish my dad was here, that would be a bit of a moral support for the family but also I'm sure he'd have a lot to say about it.

Wednesday I headed off to the hospital at 7 o clock and got my results by quarter past 9... My right arm is actually prurplish-green (very sexy, I know) because of the blood thing, again. What really annoyed me was that the doctor told me to come back on Monday and not to go to school until I'm on medication... She actually asked me, "Zsuzsanna, what is that important about that school of yours?"... When I came home i suffered my second nervous breakdown since Sunday :) my poor mum had to take all the yelling and crying and stuff. Finally I decided to give shit about the doctor and my weakness and headed to Budapest!!! I couldn't wait to all the friends I have there...
I spent my Thursday home, laughing mostly - did you know laughing can be really tiring? Especially when in Lilla's and Gergő's company... We made up versions for my brother's wedding and names for my future first child; composed an "alternative" poem for Lilla's work at the university with Ági; wrote a list about all the incredible things that happened to us during these few months (I know: in a few weeks we'll have lists all over the place); decided that we were actually living in a workshop and not a flat coz all of us are so creative, etc... I forgot to mention that I met Ákos also and he boosted up my confidence a bit and told me about his trip to Amsterdam ;) Then arrived another friend and they found partners in each other about Fidesz... I decided to keep my mouth shut, that's the best thing to do when talking to someone who supports Fidesz - I think that's the worst thing about the whole party, apart from the fact that the "horde" is following his leader Orbán no matter what he says or does. Hopefully the results won't change with the 2nd round. I wonder what it would be like having the same party for the 2nd period though... I hope they come up with something energetic but effective at the same time but I don't have any illusions either. It's better than Fidesz(and I mean the ideology and the moral background)and that's what matters. A protest vote, you know. I'll vote for them (liberal-social coalition) and skip voting for the (in)famous kétfarkú kutya párt (a fake party that was inventented to make fun of the whole campaign)like I did last time.
On Friday the workshop-thing gained it's real, classical meaning. Gergő left for school, Lilla's boyfriend, Kincsi arrived and the whole flat (workshop, sorry) became chaotic. She had to finish her drawings and plans, she's been up all night and still had a lot to go, so I jumped in and helped writing her name, etc. on the papers, making a collage, taking picture of the drawings... I was never good at making straight lines or sticking things together so my hand shook I was doing the whole thing and I had glue up to my nose. You should have seen us: Kincsi was glueing two sheets of paper together in the living room, I was making the collage in the entré (on the floor, of course, next to empty beer bottles, shoes and flower pots), the kitchen covered with empty dishes and Lilla buried in her papers in her room. Wow. If that's not creativity, what is?! :)
Later on Ági came by and we spent the rest of the day together by basically doing nothing, but still having a good time, getting to know each other even better and making up what she would do when in Szeged for the next time. Some time in the afternoon our little workshop actually turned into a scene from Friends: Zsuzsi came over to visit me, Gergő's friend also stepped in, so it was what the French would call a vrai bordel, everyone talking to everyone, each of us/them feeling comfortable and at home :) It was a perfect afternoon. I thought I would never be able to say something like since I hardly believe in perfect things; but that, right there (and the evening also when we were going to Zöld Pardon) was perfect. The perfectness of life, youth, university life, relationship between people.
We went to see Anima Sound System, but it's just not the same with this new singer Juli - Juci, the last one, was way different and I preferred that.
I'm just back from theater, we went to see this thing called Mechanikus narancs (must be something like Mechanical Orange in English) but it wasn't that good; very strange indeed, and quite boring.

Yes, you’re right, that’s like a whole week missing from my blog! I’ll try and catch up with myself now, so be prepared for something reeeaaallly long :)
So, the unthinkable actually happened, and I had to go to hospital indeed. I won’t say it was unexpected, but I was rather convinced that nothing like this would happen to me… you know, it’s me! :) but when I could hardly swallow by Sunday I lived on painkillers I was ready to do anything, honestly, anything, just to end this whole thing and get well. So I packed my little suitcase and headed straight to the hospital on Tuesday morning where my torture began… :) It was really like being in, and I mean actually living in a surrealist novel or short story! The Hungarian reality, you know…
First of all, the building is this really old, ruined thing with bars on the windows. Location: between the infamous Csillag Börtön and the – even more infamous, of possible - Pulcz utca Asylum… You can imagine the view… I met a guard, by the way while I was “sunbathing” on the “terrase” (more like a függőfolyosó, really) and he was walking up and down with a huge machine gun!
Ok. So I arrived, got changed, packed my things. My shoes were immediately taken away with my suitcase and I was scorned because of the amounts of books I brought with myself :P The nurse didn’t even let my dad say goodbye to me although he was leaving for 3 weeks to Australia but that’s nothing, really… Then came the infusion! Ah, that thing, really… of course, she didn’t find my vein so my blood spilled everywhere on my bed and my pillow. I’m sure we all agree that it was definitely MY fault – she asked me why my veins were twisting and could not stay still?! :P By this time I was in a state a shock ( Guide to Zsuzsi, Chapter 1: she hates, really, seriously hates NEEDLES and blood), half- crying, half- sweating, turning my head away, but I assured her that I would tell my veins to stay still for the next time… Next thing she did was getting a piece of cotton and two strips of tape and she fixed that the bloodstain on my cover wouldn’t be seen! :))) And off she went. Needless to say, my hand went all numb by the time the first ration of medicine was finished and I had to go to the toilet so bad! So I got the 2nd ration and I took the sachet of infusion, held one hand high and headed to the toilet… Imagine that sight! Luckily enough, the toilet is soooo well equipped that there is actually a sort of hanger to hang the infusion on… :))) That was the moment when I started to discover the “fun” part of it, or rather, how ridiculous this whole situation was. I mean, look: on one hand, given a spoilt, daddy’s-little-girl type of girl who always get what she wants and never been or lived in bad circumstances; on the other hand, given a Hungarian hospital with cold food, disgusting toilets, anti- enthusiastic nurses… I think you see what I mean. Seeing this and all the burlesk rooted in this whole situation helped me a lot to get through it. I was convinced that getting well also depended on my will, and I was absolutely determined on getting well and feeling good, whatever it took. So, I tried to see all these little things and just laugh at them.
Anyway, back to my favorite nurse! Every morning when she came in she had remark to make, such as: why do I keep my towels on the towel rack (mmmm… because it is a towel.. RACK.. to keep towels on it???); why do I have so many books; why am I still asleep (that was my favourite; at half past 6 in the morning), why didn’t I bring back my plate, etc… so when she came in I was always hoping, “please, please, shut up, just come and go…” I think by the end she understood it, because she gave up talking to me and giving out stupid orders…
The others were nice, I especially liked the nurses who came in during the night to check if I have fever and asked all kinds of questions eg. How many times did you go to toilet last day? Was it ok? (Don’t ask why they do this when it’s still dark outside) So once a nurse came in I told her that if, one day, I got home, I was sure to get up in the middle of the night and start enumerating these datas, even without anyone to ask… :)
Oh yeah, and some additional adventures about my infusion: one day I called for a nurse 3 times but nobody came and my liquid was running out, so I jumped out of my bed and went to get someone because surprise-surprise the blood started going up…
After the second day I managed to get some hot water which was a real luxury to me, then, even better, on the third day they changed my sheet. (Of course, my mum freaked out the first time she saw it and wanted to make a scandal, saying she hadn’t even seen things like this not even back in the Soviet Union) My favourite lunch was tökfőzelék with some half- cooked chicken (Guide to Zsuzsi, Chapter 2: top three most disgusting food in the world: 1. tökfőzelék 2. honey 3. poppy seed) so I had the wonderful whether to eat a disgusting meat or to eat something even more disgusting. Clear enough, I chose the chicken – that was the first and last time I actually had a piece of meat in the hospital (apart from what my mum brought me, of course)! I tried to do as if I had eaten from the pumpkin thing so they won’t say I’m to spoilt but I1m not sure if they believed I did :) Next day was funny to, I got smashed potatoes (as every day, by the way) with some meat and sauce but I’m still trying to find out what that was… it was tasteless, orange with small green pieces in it. I think someone should have sent it over for an overall analysis…;)
I think my third day was the worst. Again, the infusion came in, but after a while the nurse realized that something was wrong… Yeah well, my veins were completely blocked and the liquid just couldn’t enter – can you imagine that? So, to my biggest pleasure, she informed me that she had to find another place in my arm (which was by that time all swollen) to stick her needle in… luckily enough, she wasn’t as maladroit as her fellow nurse and I was ok by the end. Well, if you call ok who looks like being back from the casting of Trainspotting… ;) All in all I was happy because they told me that from the next day on I would get pills and not this stuff so I went to bed thinking “god, a day without needles, I can’t believe it…2 And just how right I was! Next morning I woke up with the nurse sitting on my bed, smiling, saying “Quick, I need to take blood from you, give me your hand”. You know, I wasn’t even awake yet… She assured me not to touch my infusion-arm which was the least she could promise, I’m sure I wouldn’t have let to touch it! So she took blood from me and I was hoping that maybe, maybe the next day would be without needles… And so it was finally! :))
There are also small details such as calling for a doctor at 10 o’ clock in the evening, the nurse saying she’d be there in a minute and then waking up next morning without ever seeing the doctor… Then the consultation with the head of the doctors who came in a mask and asked how I felt, I said good (well, what else do you expect from someone who spent five days in your hospital, whose hand is green and spends her time sleeping, right?!) so off she went! My brother told me “look, Zsuzsi, you know if you have cancer, it’s always the family who knows first and not you” (nice, hm?) but still… Don’t ask, for example, what my illness meant or how long it would take to recover…The only thing I know, which is like the funniest part of it, that it’s also called kissing disease. I think that’s the most ironic thing that could ever happen to me after all these weeks, don’t you think so? If an illness can actually fit someone, well, this fits me just perfectly… Just to make sure, I asked the doctor if I could kiss people and she assured me that I was no longer contagious! This, at least… :)))
I also had a lot of visitors, although I wasn’t supposed to. I was really happy to have them around, but the best was talking to my dear friend Judit, to whom this blog owes its existence. She came in yesterday around four, chased away Vili and stayed till 7. We have one those talks, you know… I think the whole hospital was loud from our laughter. The thing is, she is one of those absolutely intelligent and wise people who always make me feel small and insignificant because of their personality, and still she was the one who called me wise (because of my “carpe diem” attitude) which really surprised and flattered me, although I don’t agree with it, of course. Once we were talking with Ági about my ideal partner, and I told her he would have to be very intelligent, far more than I am, and she answered that it would be really hard to find a guy like that. Well, now I describe it properly: he should be something like Judit, his way of thinking, manners and intelligence. THAT would be definitely enough.
She made me promise that I would write down something, so here it goes, just for you, Judit. We were talking about regrets, and I ttold her that amongst all my mistakes in my life there’s only one thing I would change if I could turn back time, and that is kissing Andrew. Why? Because not knowing what it would have been like with him bugs me more than being lovesick afterwards for a certain period of time. I also told her that should that be up to me, I would not make the same mistake with Dave, no matter how it would hurt afterwards. You can’t live like that, thinking about the consequences, and, more precisely, fearing the consequences of your acts. What I told Judit is that she shouldn’t worry about what something would be, or turn out to be. You never know, you can’t see the future, so why don’t you just seize the opportunity, and yes, maybe sort of suffer afterwards, but at least you live it! You shouldn’t miss opportunities (of what you might not even be aware!) just because you think to much. I think that was it, right Judit? That you shouldn’t worry about how a certain thing or relationship would work out in the future, because it will eventually always work out somehow; and if you don’t try, you won’t know. (I wish I could write down that talk with her, and give back faithfully her wit and wiseness… no space, time and memory, though!)
I also talked to Ági several hours all in all. I really missed her, as if a part of me was missing, but I’m really happy now because right now she’s also one of the people around me who are in love and who are happy. It’s such a nice feeling to have you people like that around you! To be continued.